Rainy day blues

This is going to be a very short post today. I lost a pound since yesterday! So now I am at 268 lbs. It's a terribly rainy day and I am sleepy and still feeling cranky. I will probably take a nap and wake up just in time to catch tonight's episodes of Rawkathon.



You know, I took this pic to show just how miserable I am, but now I see that my face actually looks a lot thinner!

My first failure was my first success!

"We may not have control over how long we will live, but we do have control over how well we live" ~Nomi Shannon
Last night was a night of revelations and a night of falling off the wagon for me. Yes, I did it, I cheated, but I decided not to beat myself up about it and just continue with my raw food experiment unscathed.

On our way to the Halloween party that my daughter and I were invited to, I kept telling myself that I would not eat anything there unless it was raw. I committed myself to this. When we walked in, the first sight to be seen was an enormous Halloween decorated table covered from end to end in baked goods, snacks, and other things I shouldn't even be looking at. It was excruciating.

This was a party for my daughter's Brownie troop, which she just recently joined. I had only met about 2 or 3 of the other parents so far, and none of them were at the party. I am usually pretty quiet, so while I was trying to find my "in" to the conversations, my stupid f*%@ing eyeballs kept forcing themselves in the direction of the annoyingly delicious food on the table. I wanted to scream! Instead, I went outside, sat in the car and played with my cellphone. Eventually, once I was feeling more composed, I decided to chance another try at socializing. Well, as soon as I walked in the door and that junk food covered table was in front of me, staring me in the face, I broke down. My right arm involuntarily reached out for a plate, but my left arm pulled it back. The right arm forcefully twisted the left and shoved it quickly into my tight left pocket. The right arm, no longer under my control of course, picked up a plate and placed it in front of me. Then it continued by placing various foods on the plate, including but not limited to popcorn, pretzels, and chips.

In the middle of this dramatic struggle, one of the women I had befriended once before arrived at the party. We began talking and I mentioned that I felt so horrible about eating the foods on my plate, but that I just couldn't help myself. She said that if I was going to eat them, then I should enjoy them. She explained that by expressing negative feelings toward the food, it pretty much destines the food to go to all the wrong places on my body. At that point I decided that her words of wisdom were just that, very wise. My right hand gently let my now sweaty left hand out of my left pocket and we enjoyed the rest of the party.

Now, don't get me wrong, I won't be ending my raw food experiment here. I knew I was going to make at least one mistake in the beginning and I am actually happy that I did. Now that I know that I do not HAVE to eat a certain way, I am more likely to actually eat that way.

Later last night I watched Nomi Shannon on Rawkathon with my husband. Nomi helped me to clear the air of any more guilt residue that I had from the Halloween party. She stated, "It's only your food, it's not your religion...it's what you do most of the time that counts". So maybe I wasn't 100% raw yesterday, but that doesn't mean that I won't be today!


This is a picture of my daughter, Isabel, in her Halloween costume for her party.

Day 3, very very early

It's the very very early morning of day 3. You would not even believe how much weight I have lost in just these past 2 days (today doesn't count since it hasn't started yet. I now weight 270.4 lbs! It's amazing. My Wii Fit says that I am losing weight too fast, but my husband says that my weight loss will slow down and that my body is adjusting to the lack of cooked fats. Whatever works!

I've been really hungry and craving things that I don't normally even eat. I haven't had dairy products since I can remember, but I am craving a burrito from taco bell! I am eating constantly, but maybe not the right foods for me.Luckily I somehow scheduled the start of my raw food experiment with the first day of the Rawkathon, which is a "free 7 day, worldwide online living food event". Amazing stuff really. This event is helping me stay inspired. The first night I listened to Mike Adams of NaturalNews.com and he said that he was a type O blood type, and therefore he needed more protein. I had an epiphany! I am also a type O blood type, and I definitely do not eat enough protein, which may be why I could never stick with the raw diet before. I would always say "I'm hungry, I need something heavier", and then I would end up eating something cooked. My husband says that I should drink more green smoothies, eat more bee pollen, hemp protein. He had tons of ideas for protein, but honestly I don't remember all of them. When I ask him later I will be sure to carry an notebook and pen. I think that knowing this information will really help me this time around.

Last night on Rawkathon, I watched David Wolfe go insane! He was talking faster than a teenager with juicy gossip! I could barely keep up, but the stuff he was saying was so inspirational. He says that we need to get into the flow and the things that we want will just start appearing in our lives. We need to write it down and have goals, realistic goals, and the universe will just start making them appear for us. A lot of the stuff he said was reminiscent of the movie, The Secret, but he said it so much better.

I also watched Dr. Graham which I found so inspiring. He raises his daughter as a raw vegan on the 80 10 10 diet. My daughter always says she wants to be 100% raw, but in practice she can only really eat 2 raw meals a day. Of course, I didn't start her on a raw diet until she was 8. Dr. Graham and his wife started their daughter from birth. They say that when she was only 2 year old but has the mental capacity of a 3 year old and that her health is excellent! I wish I had them for parents!

Anyway, that's all I have for this very very early morning. Here is a pic of the lunch I had yesturday. It was sliced avocadoes, diced tomatoes, lime juice, dulse flakes, and pepper. It tasted really good and took care of my savory food craving.